Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I understand how hurricane paths work

There was this one weird Bollywood movie that was released in the 2000s. Amitabh Bachchan was starring with another actress and the story was about how the old guy (Amitabh Bachchan) fell in love with the young woman. What is the name of this movie?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Why do you think Democrat favorability ratings are so low?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Is a man who enjoys anal sex considered a sissy? For those who think so, why can't they be thought of as someone who enjoys a variety of sexual pleasure?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t cotton to rapists

Gun owners, imagine if an attacker comes to your home and takes your gun to use against you before you had the chance to pick it up. Would you regret owning a gun?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

How do scammers communicate? Do they have a specific language or slang?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Do all armies have the same rank structure?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

How can someone in your family purposely try to destroy your reputation?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

Do married men know when their wives are having affairs?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

How can we worship Shri Krishna at home? Is it enough to install an idol, or are there other rituals that are mandatory?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

What's wrong with white women?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy bullshit

Hey girls can we see some anal play?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Why do you write?

I can count

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I can read

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I see through liars

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I actually pay taxes

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”